Trying Like Hell - Observations from the 2019 WV Women's Extravaganza

The following piece “Trying Like Hell - Observations from the 2019 WV Women’s Extravaganza” was accepted for the 2019 Travelin Appalachians Revue. Enjoy!

The wife is standing there talking to the vendor. The husband is standing way behind the wife, feet away from her, looking around slowly and cautiously, like a dog on its chain next to an igloo-shaped doghouse. 

He looks around at the place, all the booths lined up with pink plastic table skirts, swaying in the small breeze moving around the convention center. Then he spots a small row of chairs just behind the vendor’s booth, the same vendor his wife is now grilling about the intricacies of lip gloss. And without any hesitation, the man walks behind the vendor’s booth and plops himself down on one of her chairs with the ease and entitlement he would employ plopping into his own recliner in his own living room. He rests his feet, his plaid covered belly tempting the buttons of his shirt. 

Meanwhile, a loud man two booths down is selling the shit out of a Botox Special being offered by the spa he represents. He says, “How are you?” to all the ladies that walk by. But he says it like this, “How are Yoooowah?” And the ladies respond with appropriate enthusiasm, “I’m just fine, and how are you?” they say back, all flowery.

The women at the weight loss booth next to mine ask folks over and over, “Have you heard of so-and-so weight loss program?” And everyone says “no” or “I think so but I’m not sure.” And then the women say, “Well, so-and-so weight loss program is a nutrition and wellness clinic and if you sign up for the memb…” and I’ll tell you what, damn near every single one of those good West Virginia folks interrupt those poor girls with the least polite and most West Virginia question you could ask, which is, “How much does it cost?” Those poor girls graciously answer it. Learning the price, I watch most of the good West Virginians move on, but some of them stick around, deciding it might be worth it.  

The women on the other side of me are selling over-the-top, glorified scrunchies. They have this whole spiel that they give. “Do you want a fitting?” they ask. The small red-headed one has folks sit in a chair and she messily gathers all their hair into a bunch. She twists the scrunchie in awkwardly in what has to be the least flattering style on every human. She does it up for them and they all humor her as she tells them, “Ok, you’re a size extra small, they’re on this first board over here. This is the board you want to choose from.” The people humor her a little more as they look at the board and then as soon as she goes off to another customer, they escape and drift to the next booth down. 

I’m not selling anything really. I’m here for work, for my day job. I run a program that trains women in construction and places them in high wage jobs when they’re done. It is free. My job is one of those where you don’t make much money, but you really care about the work so you give it your all. A big part of my job is to go where women go. So here I am, at the WV Women’s Extravaganza, trying like hell to sell tuition-free construction training to women and no one’s interested.

A big Thanks to Travelin Appalachians Revue for liking and sharing this piece. Please go to their website to learn more about the amazing work they are doing for art in the region!